• Comforting Techniques

    How To Move On After Losing A Family Member

    My shoulders had been aching for a few weeks. It started during my grandmother’s wake, who I treated as my mother ever since my biological one abandoned me. I was too sad and busy preparing her funeral and burial; I only took short naps while sitting. Hence, I blamed the lousy sleeping position for my pain.

    how-to-move-on-after-losing-a-family-member
    Source: pexels.com

    After the burial, I tried to get as much rest as I could. I even bought new pillows and changed my bedsheets, thinking that it would help ease my shoulder ache. However, another week passed, and the pain was still there. If I were honest, I would say that it increased a little. But I did not get enough chance to pay attention to it because my boss hailed me back to work soon after that.

    The thing is when the fourth week rolled in and my shoulders were not doing better, I decided to take a day off and booked a session with my favorite masseuse. Spending an entire hour on that massage table paid off since my pain lessened but only a little. I still could not help but wince whenever I tried to put my shoulders back and straighten my spine.

    how-to-move-on-after-losing-a-family-member
    Source: pexels.com

    A friend at work saw the latter happen once, and I told her what’s wrong with me and what I did to try eliminating the problem. I thought she would recommend another massage session for me, but she gave me her Reiki practitioner’s number. As it turned out, my colleague had been dealing with physical issues, too, and only the energy healer managed to help her.

    Excited with the possibility of walking without feeling like my shoulders were getting pulled by gravity, I scheduled an appointment with the Reiki master.

    What I Learned

    I must come clean at this point and admit that I did not have much faith in Reiki healing initially. I never experienced it before or met anyone who did until my work friend told me about it. So, I was somewhat apprehensive when I entered the healer’s office.

    how-to-move-on-after-losing-a-family-member
    Source: pexels.com

    Once I got there, though, I found that the Reiki Master, Ana, had an incredibly welcoming and peaceful aura. I felt at ease in her presence even before she spoke to me. And when she did and asked me what I was dealing with, I talked about my shoulder ache without hesitation. But what surprised me was the question: “Did you suffer from a loss in the last few weeks?”

    Of course, the answer was yes. It had not been two months since my grandmother’s passing, and I mentioned that to Ana. She nodded in understanding and explained to me that a person’s body takes longer to heal when their spiritual, psychological, or emotional aspect was not okay. She gave me a single tip before the consultation was over and told me that I should come back for an energy healing session if it did not work.  

    how-to-move-on-after-losing-a-family-member
    Source: flickr.com

    Allow Yourself To Be Sad

    The first idea I learned from the Reiki master was that I needed to allow myself to be sad. Since it had always been my grandmother and me, I looked after her without asking for anyone’s help. I fixed all the documents required for her burial and tied all the loose ends she left by myself. There was no time for me to grieve.

    Despite that, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it happened because I subconsciously took on all those tasks to avoid having time to remember my deceased grandmother. It did not help my situation when I returned to work early. My boss could have understood me if I asked for a few more days off, but I went back anyway.

    When I left Ana’s office, I drove to the cemetery to visit my grandmother’s grave. It was the first time I did it because I did not want to accept that my grandmother was already gone entirely. But when I saw her name and dates of birth and death engraved on stone, the tears started falling down my cheeks. It took a few minutes before I caught myself sobbing like a baby, but I still did not push myself to stop crying. I let all my emotions out and wept there for God knew how long.

    how-to-move-on-after-losing-a-family-member
    Source: pxfuel.com

    Did It Work?

    Surprisingly, it did. Once I had no more tears to shed, I dried my face and walked back to the car. I took a deep breath right then and realized the heaviness in my chest already dissipated. What’s more, when I rolled my shoulders, there was not as much pain as before. I did not know how it was possible, but the Reiki master was spot-on about the real problem behind my aching shoulders.

    I did the Reiki healing session the following week to thank Ana and in hopes of getting rid of all my issues. I feel positive that it can happen with a master’s help.

    On the other hand, I also tried online therapy through the BetterHelp app. Their therapists are experienced and knowledgeable in mental health issues, including how to manage grief and coming out stronger after the challenges. This site has also been really helpful in guiding me through the process of signing up. All in all, I had help and now I am better at life.